Sunday

We have designated Sundays our cemetary visitation day. The kids look forward to this day and actually got mad when Greg was working. They thought we weren't going to be going. I assured them that Dad had to work and we will visit Tred later in the day. It was so nice to go see him today. This week has been a rought one, I don't know why, it just has been. My sister has been so good to me. She calls to see how I'm doing and has been able to listen to me whenever I need to talk to someone.

I also have a wonderful internet support group. I have internet friends that I have talked on-line with for 7 years (since I was pregnant with P). I also have a wonderful set of internet friends that I am able to see in real life. I have gotten so much support from both groups of woman and am so greatful that I found them. I am so greatful for the wonderful women I have in my life. You are all definitly my sisters.

Thank you all that have supported us through this rough time. I am sure I will have more rought days ahead of me and am so glad I am able to discuss it with all of you!

On a different note, I am finding it harder and harder as time goes on to smile. I noticed this when we were driving to visit Tred. I find it hard to smile at anything and just want it to change. I hate being unhappy and sad. I have wonderful friends and a great family and I still can't fine it in myself to smile. I want to be happy again. I e-mailed a wonderful person "C" about how I hate GOD right now and I don't want to feel that way either. Sometimes I feel so lost and lonely that it makes me even more sad and unhappy. *SIGH*

I have decided to seek out professional help. I don't want the other children to feel as thought I don't care about them. I have noticed that I have changed and want to be happier for them. I hope I can find it in myself to follow-through with getting myself happier.