We have designated Sundays our cemetary visitation day. The kids look forward to this day and actually got mad when Greg was working. They thought we weren't going to be going. I assured them that Dad had to work and we will visit Tred later in the day. It was so nice to go see him today. This week has been a rought one, I don't know why, it just has been. My sister has been so good to me. She calls to see how I'm doing and has been able to listen to me whenever I need to talk to someone.
I also have a wonderful internet support group. I have internet friends that I have talked on-line with for 7 years (since I was pregnant with P). I also have a wonderful set of internet friends that I am able to see in real life. I have gotten so much support from both groups of woman and am so greatful that I found them. I am so greatful for the wonderful women I have in my life. You are all definitly my sisters.
Thank you all that have supported us through this rough time. I am sure I will have more rought days ahead of me and am so glad I am able to discuss it with all of you!
On a different note, I am finding it harder and harder as time goes on to smile. I noticed this when we were driving to visit Tred. I find it hard to smile at anything and just want it to change. I hate being unhappy and sad. I have wonderful friends and a great family and I still can't fine it in myself to smile. I want to be happy again. I e-mailed a wonderful person "C" about how I hate GOD right now and I don't want to feel that way either. Sometimes I feel so lost and lonely that it makes me even more sad and unhappy. *SIGH*
I have decided to seek out professional help. I don't want the other children to feel as thought I don't care about them. I have noticed that I have changed and want to be happier for them. I hope I can find it in myself to follow-through with getting myself happier.