Friday, September 19, 2008

September 19

I got a call this morning from my sister and she said my grandma died. I know she was sick but it's one of those things that you just don't want to accept. I know this time it's not just about me, it's about my mom. She lost both parents and I couldn't even imagein not having my parents around.

This is the first death in the family since Tred passed away and it just brings up so much emotion. I can't even explain how I'm feeling. Their are no words to express how sad I am for my mom.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

September 16th

Tred received his headstone. It looks good except it's a bit off center so the angel wing is not completely on the stone. I know I should say something from the people we purchased the stone from but I just fear that they will take it out and wait for the new one. I'm not ready to not see it the next time we visit. It hurt horribly bad to go and see it. We think it was put in the same day I had my tattoo. We recived a letter from the place we purchased the stone and they said it was put in the cemetary. It was a very bitter sweet visit to see his name in stone.

I am getting a bit emotional lately as his due date approaches. I am trying to find a way to keep busy but I am just not doing that very well. I seem to get sidetracked and start to think about how fast October is approaching.

As helpful as the computer has been, it's also a virus to me. I find it harder to do work every day and I'm sure it's just something that will pass but right now I can't keep my mind on one thing. I never know if it's Tred's passing or me just developing more issues. I have a counseling meeting coming up on Thursday. I start to wonder if this is going to be a good fit or not. It took almost 2 months to get it set up becuase of working during the day.

Hopefully when I go they will give me some useful information. I have been feeling very lonely being here at home. You can only have so much adult interaction with children.

*SIGH* It can only get better, It can only get better, It can only get better.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

A couple of things

I finally got my tattoo. It hurt but was well worth it. I always wanted rosebuds with the childrens names on the rosebuds and after Tred died, DH said that it would be a wonderful time. SO I DID IT. I love it. He didn't say anything about it so I am not sure what his feelings are. I did get compliments from many people. I now have something to look at in the mirror.

We also got a letter in the mail that Tred's stone has been placed at the cemetary. I called Greg to tell him and he drove their after work and took pictures. It's so bittersweet.

I can only hope for better days. My friends from PLM group and my internet moms have been great. I don't know what I would do without them.