Wednesday, February 24, 2010


Yet another day of feeling just Blah. I am still on a diet and obviously feel off by having a few meals that I should not have had. I have had a somach ache since having that food. I know I shouldn't eat that food becuase it always gives me a stomach ache. I feel as though I am never hungry and am constantly eating. I eat more when I am emotional and boy am I ever emotional.

My lovely Auntie Cherly passed away over the weekend and my emotions are just out of wack. I am back to staying up late becuse I just hate dreaming and nothing has been taking those dreams away. I just want to have a peaceful sleep. I am so sad that my poor kids keep having to deal with death. Who thought is was fair for them to go through this kind of hurt again, or for that matter to see me hurt. I am just having a heck of a time lately and I know it's becuae Talya's one year is just around the corner.


Saturday, February 13, 2010


I am just feeling so sad today. I really shouldn't but some days my heart just hurts so bad I become sad. I am so angry, sad and jealous when I hear someone say or see that someone is pregnant. I just want that to be me, I want that announcement. Actually, I just want to turn back time and change the past. On top of my feelings, I didn't complete a school assignment because I just wasn't giving myself enough time, now I feel like yet again a failure. I wish I could have things back to where they were. I want my babies back, I want my memory back, I want my everything back.

Tred and Talya, please give me strength to function day-to-day. I am struggling.