The last few days have been hard. I can't seem to contain my sadness and cry at the drop of a hat. I see a baby I cry, I see a pregnant woman I cry, I see baby clothes I cry. I see my children and I cry because they won't get to lay with their brother. *SIGH* Life is so hard and then you add the loss of your child and it's even harder. My sister explains things to be like she would a child, I need hearing the child analogies because it's easier to comprehend. She said that you found out your baby has passed, you have to give birth to him, you have his funeral and you also have postpartum depression. She said hello, you will cry and get angry. Right now I feel as though I'm in a black hole that I just can't get out of. My happiness has been drained. I don't laugh, I don't smile I don't joke around. It's so hard to feel this way knowing how I was before Tred passed away.
My sister and I went to a tatoo parlor. I have been wanting a tatto of the kids for years I've just never set anything up. I was so impressed with the free hand drawing and am so excited about the tatoo. It was more than I was wanting. I wanted rose buds with the childrens names spelled in the stem. The tatoo artist said that it would look messy so he drew rosebuds and a banner with their names. It was beautiful. I wanted Tred's name and birth/death date on wings. He drew a full bloom rose with wings and Tred's name and birth/death date as the top of the tatoo. I just about started to cry. It was beautiful. It will take 4 hours and of course it's expensive. but well worth it. Greg wasn't even shocked by the money once he saw how amazing the tatoo was. We are all lookig forward to September when the tatoo gets done. One highlight is I get all of my children's names on me forever!!!