Sunday, September 23, 2012

It's been a long time.......too long, shame on me!

Long time no speak. I have been very busy with work and I decided to take take on more to keep myself busy. A busy Angie means that I am not crying and thinking what could have been. I still do both, but not as long or as often. I still miss both Tred and Talya every day and get sad knowing I am not having more. My living children are getting older and they keep Tred and Talya's memory alive. I am so proud of my living children for being such wonderful people and thinking of their brother and sister as they too hurt that they are not here with us on earth. We do a memorial walk every year for the babies. B's football schedule has him playing games at the same time as the walk. He made a hard decision and choose to play in the football game but wore his memorial walk shirt and a blue sock on one foot and a pink sock on the other foot in memory of his siblings. I am beyond proud of him!!!!! I had a huge accomplishment this weekend. I held a baby for the first time, not a newborn but she was under a year and yes a girl. I have not held a baby since Talya passed away. This has been horrifically hard and thankfully I managed. I also went to church for a wedding, the church is the same church that officiated at Tred and Talya's funeral. This was hard!!!!!!!!! I have never felt so out of place at a place I shouldn't feel out of place. I did survive, but cried a bit thankfully it was a wedding and my tears were camouflaged as tears of joy!!! I am at a place that I am OK talking about the babies but it is still something that doesn't come up until I've talked with someone for a while. My babies are precious and I am very protective of their stories. A close friend that I can sincerely say is a best friend made the most amazingly beautiful pendant of Talya's foot. This friend was with me after I had Talya. She stayed at the hospital with us for my sanity as well as Greg's. I will forever be indebted to her for giving me the gift of sharing Talya's short life with me. I love her to pieces!!!! I am still looking for things to to in memory of the babies but am having a hard time. I really need to set time aside and sew and croquet blankets to give to hospitals in memory of the babies, however it's till hard to do this all at one time. I have been doing things piece by pieces and I am still going to make a run at it so hopefully this will happen!