Monday, July 28, 2008

I feel like the worst friend.

I have so many wonderful friends and I just can't get myself to call them. I am in my own world and I just can't do it. I sit here at home and daydream about what life would be like having Tred. Is it healthy, probably not but it's something I can't help. I see the other kids and just wonder if Tred would be like them. I am thinking I now have anxiety. I get very nervous for things to happen and can't make definite plans on anything for fear of crying in public. Why would it be any different than crying at home. The attention I guess. I love attention but not in that way. I have a wonderful group if internet friends and I sign on to see how everyone is doing but I just can't get myself to post. They are all important but I am afraid of people thinking I've gone on with my life. I'm afraid to smile, to joke, to really do aything. I want the world to know about Tred and those that know about him, I don't want them thinking I've forgot about him. Is that silly?

I don't know about much these days. My life is the title of my blog I'm trying. *SIGH* A great friend, K, told me it gets easier. I sure hope so becuase right now from where I stand, I'm in a hole and just can't get out.

1 comment:

MartinCrazies said...

I bet it does get easier, it will just take time. I know you will never forget about Tred. He is your son. My grandma had a stillborn a LONG time ago, and we talk about him all the time. We've even gone to see his grave while we were in North Dakota visiting family. Tred will never be forgotten Angie, by you or any of your friends and family. Remember we all love you guys and ALL your kids, not just the ones we've met. xoxoxoxo