Sunday, August 31, 2008


I don't know what happened but I have been in pain all day. My back hurts so bad that am on the verge of tears. I can hardly stand up from a sitting or lying position. If I'm standing I'm fine I just can't put any pressure on my right leg or it will hurt horribly.

I am having issues with forgetfulness. I forgot again to take my meds and all hell broke loose. I was yelling at everyone for everything. Am I going to have to be dependant on these meds always to get through a day. My gosh, I had no idea how hard this was going to be.

Yesterday we went to a b-day party for my niece and she listened to me bitch about how only a few family members are their for us. I am so confused at how family members can completely ignore us and how we are hurting. Am I being selfish to expcet Greg's brothers to be their for them since DH was their for one brother when he was having problems? My sister hasn't talked to me in ages becuase she thinks I'm sad (per my mom), well DUH!!!!. So acknoweldge me. Greg doesn't wants to just write them off but for me it's easier to not deal with them then expect them to come around.

On another note, time is getting closer for my tatto. I am getting nervous becuase I know it's going to hurt but then I know If I am still alive to deal with the pain of losing Tred, I can handle the pain of a tattoo.


Susan Austin said...

I remember after my dad committed suicide (25 years ago) thinking....
"why doesn't anyone say anything? Why are they ignoring the "elephant"?"
conversely, when someone WOULD bring it up i'd get all, I'm just saying that it does get better.
People want to talk, I think they are afraid that they will upset you and they don't want to upset you or, for that matter, upset themselves cuz they don't know how to deal with it or what to say.....

LeaAnna said...

I remember being like that when I was on Zoloft. You kinda feel like an addict. But, they do help and you won't be on them forever.

As for the back pain, it sounds like Sciatica. Can you get to a Chiropractor? Also, lying on the floor with your butt up against the wall and your legs straight up the wall helps me sometimes.

I think your tattoo is really going to help you with the healing process. I'm so excited to see it! :) said...

Honey don't write them off. People just don't know what to say. Quite frankly even someone who's been threre doesn't know what to say. Today my words might be a Godsend but tomorrow hurt so bad it cuts like a knife right through you. There is NOTHING that ANYONE else can do to make this situation any different or better. Know that they care about you guys very much and they are hurting for you, they just don't know what to do. Hugs.

wotre5669 said...

That is not why I haven't talked to you. I don't know what to say to you. I don't know how to deal with it. I love you. You are my sister. If you really feel this way, I can't do anything to change that. I know it is hard to deal with I can't imagine. What would you like me to do? I feel like shit. I'm sorry. I have lots of problems and I am trying to handle them and I don't want to put my problems on you. I love you.

Anonymous said...

I agree that it is hard for others to know what to say, how to say it or when to say it. They don't want to "remind" you (yes, it's silly, but so very well intended.)

Today is our Mary Clare's 7th birthday, so of course while I'm thinking of her, I'm thinking of ~ and praying for ~ you.

Just checking in on you.

Anonymous said...

I saw that someone linked to my blog from yours, so of course, that got me wondering about you and how you are doing.

thinking of and praying for you today.