Monday, August 4, 2008

I think I spoke too soon

UUUGGGHHHH. OK I am now just an angry and mad person. Everything just pisses me off lately. I just don't want to make anyone mad but I'm sure I will. I just can't stand to hear when someone is pregnant. I get so angry and I know I shouldn't but I do. I just can't deal with my feelings today. I started crying when I told Greg I was going to go out. WHY am I crying. Well I haven't seen many people and the idea of going out in public just scares me. It may sound dumb, but it does scare me. What if I have to explain what happened to our little Tred and then their is that ackward silence or I have a melt down. I don't want to do that in public. It's a lot easier to do it at home becuase my family has seen it so many times.

I have been emotional and angry all day. I don't know if it started from something E said or if I just woke up to it. I had gotten the kids breakfast and E asked B if he was sad that Tred died. B said ya I'm sad. Then E said I'm not sad my heart is sad. I just didn't know what to say and started to tear up. How does a 3 year old know about a heart being sad. UGH. Why does my family have to deal with this or with me for that matter. Some days I just don't want to wake up and others I think I will wake up from this dream. Everything just seems so uncertain. I just want to be happy, how do I do that?

No comments: