Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Just Thinking

When will the why's stop. I keep running over them in my mind. WHY, WHY, WHY. Why do I feel so alone. Nomatter who I am around I just feel so alone. My poor children. Will they always remember their mom as being sad. I try I really do but it's so sad to see them questioning things that I just don't have answers for. What if in the future they choose not to have children because of their brother and sister dying. I don't want that to deter them from having children if that is something they want.

On another note, I have decided to stop talking and being around people that are selfish in my sorrow. I do have the right to be mad that someone is pregant, I do have the right to be upset that someone has a baby, I have the right to be angry and sad, but its MY RIGHT. It is nothing agaist anyone, IT'S ME. I need to work past these issues and I would greatly appreciate not being condemed or made to feel guility for losing my babies.

Noone will ever know the pain I feel unless you have been a mom that has lost her baby.



kelita said...

hi there. i just happened to passby your blog... I know what ever i say will not change how depress you feel... Just want to tell you that you're a really great mom and im sure your children will grow up to understand the joy of being a parent. Take care there :j God bless you and your beautiful children

Mirne said...

Very true ... I got rid of those selfish people a long time ago. I need to mourn my children and my life and all those other things that I lost when my children died. If other people have a problem with that, well, that's their problem and their condemnation and they can take it elsewhere!!

Sarah said...

I am glad you are no associating with those who don't let you grieve the way you need to. I am so sorry that you have to go through this Angie, no mom should have to do this.

Your children are grieving too I am sure. You are showing them it is a normal thing to be sad when you lose somebody you love.

I am sorry things are so rough :( I wish there was more I could do for you. Please know I continue to pray and think of your family daily (sometimes often daily :) )



Lisa (Jasper's Mommy) said...

I ask myself that same question every single day. When will the why's stop? I'm glad that you are staying away from people who don't allow you grieve. It is so sad that there are people like that. I had to distance myself from those people as well.