Tuesday, May 26, 2009


Well I had to get yet another ultrasound and mammogram for a lump under my armpit. I was told to be their 1/2 before my appt and I did. Unfortunatley they were running late so it took 20 minutes to get in after my appt time. While waiting, of course, a woman and her newborn came in from the hospital. It just doesn't end. I felt so uncomfortable and I think the staff could see it. They called me in and I had to wait in the "other" waiting room after getting into a hospital gown. Then they asked me questions about when I first felt the lump. I had to think of how to answer that question. I pretty much just told her I felt it April 20th. I really didn't want to go into more so I just picked a date. It felt nice to not have to explain what happened to a complete stranger.

I laughed pretty hard tonight at something DH and I were talking about. It felt good to laugh but the sadness still overshadows that one good laugh. Things are going a bit better but when they seem to start to go and feel better, something always happens.

I hate thinking in such a negative way but I don't know anything different. I don't think I am being too negative around the kids but I really don't know. The older kids are at school and I hate it but I also go crazy when they are home. I have E here with me all day but he really is so independant but has his moments. He really is a mama's boy and I am so glad becuase it makes me feel so good at the things he says even though he may not know what it means.

I am feeling so lost. I thought I knew what I wanted to do when I grew up and now I don't know. I know I would like to work again, but just don't know what field of work to go into. The economy sucks so what field of work do you choose? I don't even know what I am good at anymore. I would love to work from home but what would I do. Ya I can sew, but what do I sew that I can sell. I can make some jewelry but who wants homemade jewelry when they can buy top notch jewelry at home shows or from stores. I really would love to feel as though I am accomplishing something.

I am tomorrow may be the day that I order Talya's headstone. *SIGH* It makes me nervous and scared.

1 comment:

LeaAnna said...

Have you checked out http://www.etsy.com/? Maybe you could sell some stuff on there. Let me know if you'd like me to go with you to order Talya's headstone or watch Ezra so you can do it alone. I think you're doing a good job of keeping the negativity from the kids, at least from what I've seen. It will get better, Angie....healing takes a long time - it's only been a month.