Well I had to get yet another ultrasound and mammogram for a lump under my armpit. I was told to be their 1/2 before my appt and I did. Unfortunatley they were running late so it took 20 minutes to get in after my appt time. While waiting, of course, a woman and her newborn came in from the hospital. It just doesn't end. I felt so uncomfortable and I think the staff could see it. They called me in and I had to wait in the "other" waiting room after getting into a hospital gown. Then they asked me questions about when I first felt the lump. I had to think of how to answer that question. I pretty much just told her I felt it April 20th. I really didn't want to go into more so I just picked a date. It felt nice to not have to explain what happened to a complete stranger.
I laughed pretty hard tonight at something DH and I were talking about. It felt good to laugh but the sadness still overshadows that one good laugh. Things are going a bit better but when they seem to start to go and feel better, something always happens.
I hate thinking in such a negative way but I don't know anything different. I don't think I am being too negative around the kids but I really don't know. The older kids are at school and I hate it but I also go crazy when they are home. I have E here with me all day but he really is so independant but has his moments. He really is a mama's boy and I am so glad becuase it makes me feel so good at the things he says even though he may not know what it means.
I am feeling so lost. I thought I knew what I wanted to do when I grew up and now I don't know. I know I would like to work again, but just don't know what field of work to go into. The economy sucks so what field of work do you choose? I don't even know what I am good at anymore. I would love to work from home but what would I do. Ya I can sew, but what do I sew that I can sell. I can make some jewelry but who wants homemade jewelry when they can buy top notch jewelry at home shows or from stores. I really would love to feel as though I am accomplishing something.
I am tomorrow may be the day that I order Talya's headstone. *SIGH* It makes me nervous and scared.