That is how I can say how I feel today. This is the first official day of going to my yearly appointment after losing Talya. Ya, it's been more than a year but I couldn't get myself to go. I have rescheduled a few times (3 to be exact) and now I have to go. I'm putting off, I just don't want to go. I hate GYN appointments more than words can express. I hate sitting in the waiting room with women with babies and women that are pregnant. It's just uncomfortable for me. I've had to meet with my GYN a few times but not for the dreaded yearly. They no longer bring you back to a room ASAP because, well it's been longer than 6 weeks. I remember going back to the Dr. 6 weeks after having Tred and Talya and I was whisked back so I didn't have to sit in the waiting room, not it's pretty much as I'm treated by many friends, it's been a year, you're fine. HA HA HA, what does fine mean, it sure isn't me. Yes I can, more than likely, make it through sitting in the waiting room, it's that notion that people think that I'm "FINE" now. If it were only true. BLAH!!!!!
Also tomorrow it would have been Tred's due date two years ago. Gosh the days that stick in my head. I know all of my children's due dates and none of them were born on them, some were close but none were born on them. October is especially a hard month. It would have been Tred's due date and P was very excited to share a birth month with her brother. It's also P's birthday that she was to share with her grandma. She even asked if she can have a birthday party at the cemetery. I told her that since she doesn't have school that day, we will go celebrate with cupcakes and Pepsi (Linda's favorite drink).
Anyway, off to get ready to go to the crappiest type of appointment, BLAH!