Friday, May 7, 2010

Why do my feelings turn on me

I have been feeling good (good as in not crying every second of the day) and then you get those blows of emotions that literally knock you to your knees. Yes I had a good day overall but then I was thinking of some things and how some feel I should be over my grief of losing my children. I should not be uncomfortable or angry at being around pregnant people. I guess those are the same people that think I shouldn't celebrate any birthdays because they aren't here to enjoy them. Well I would like to say to them STFU!!!!! You have absolutely no idea what my husband, children and myself are going through. My children lost a brother and sister that they will never get to teach the fun things that brothers and sisters teach each other. My husband and I lost two children and had to bury them which is the most excruciating thing in the world to do. Why can't you just STFU and let me deal with my grief the way I want to deal with it. I don't judge you on how you handle tough issues, all I do is listen and I expect the same. If you think I should be over things than get out of my life because I will never be over losing my babies.....EVER!

3 comments:

Annie said...

What you've been through is far beyond the imagining of most people. No wonder everyone's expectations of how you "should" be and how you "should" handle it are so far off base. I'm in the same place and the frustration is that no matter how much I explain why it's still not ok and why I'm still not "over it", I know I will still be harshly judged for being where I am.

Sarah said...

I am so sorry Angie. I think of you often and pray. The heartbreak and emotion that accompany the loss of a child must be profound. Please know I think of you and your angel babies often. HUGS.

Supposed to be... "Mama G"... said...

I am a new follower. We just lost our daughter 3 months ago and people are already expecting me to be back to "normal" (Whatever that is!!).

I am sooo sorry for your loss. I have read a few of your heart breaking posts (the ones describing your story; the loss of you little boy and girl). You know that there is an amazing community of angel baby mommas here, that will never judge you!