Saturday, February 13, 2010

*SIGH*

I am just feeling so sad today. I really shouldn't but some days my heart just hurts so bad I become sad. I am so angry, sad and jealous when I hear someone say or see that someone is pregnant. I just want that to be me, I want that announcement. Actually, I just want to turn back time and change the past. On top of my feelings, I didn't complete a school assignment because I just wasn't giving myself enough time, now I feel like yet again a failure. I wish I could have things back to where they were. I want my babies back, I want my memory back, I want my everything back.

Tred and Talya, please give me strength to function day-to-day. I am struggling.


6 comments:

Mirne said...

I don't get jealous any more. But I did. For a long time. But I'm not jealous any more because I know that even if I was pregnant, it's highly likely that my child would die anyway. Now I want just what you want - I want to turn back the clock, all the while knowing it's not possible. ((hugs))

Kristy said...

Angie, you are allowed to be sad. You are allowed to be angry. There is no timeline on your grief, no limit to how much you can feel something. Bad days will come, and when they do, let it happen. Let your feelings come to the surface, its okay. Thinking of you. *hugs*

Annie said...

So sorry you're having a rough time. I'm in much the same place and am frustrated that in everyday "real world" life I feel looked down upon for being in this place, still not "over it" and able to just be the person I was before. Here at least it's OK to have bad days, and no one will tell you that you shouldn't.

Kristy said...

Hi Angie, I made my blog private. I can't find your e-mail addey on your blog but if you want to follow drop me an email at mooonanback@yahoo.ca

Angie said...

Kristy your e-mail isn't working. Here is my e-mail address, I would love to e added to your blog.
angierose@yahoo.com

Kelly said...

Hi Angie,
I feel the same as you do a lot and also like Annie... like I am looked down on for being here. I think it's interesting that you felt like a failure with your school - deep inside i think we feel like failures because we couldn't save our babies when all around seem to do so well with it. They don't even have to want a baby, or try! But our's die... i think it seeps into other things. And while it's not right, it is, as my doctor put it, the brain's way of trying to reconcile those horrible memories.