Tuesday, April 21, 2009

It just doesn't seem real

I guess I am still in shock that Talya passed away. It just doesn't seem real. I still cry for her but it just seems like a horrible nightmare. I just can't believe that she is gone. She was moving fine one night and the next morning she is gone. I can't help but feel I did something wrong to have lost 2 babies in a 10 month period. For now I can't emotionally handle being pregnant again. I never thought I would lose a baby and now I have lost 2. I am finding myself being more emotional at night and not sure why. I feel at peace in the day but once I have to go to sleep I just cry. I have a feeling it's because I just don't want to miss what B, P, and E do in their sleep. I have found myself check on them a few times before my sleeping pill kicks in, once that kicks in I am out until the morning (which may be a good thing for my healing).

We have started planting our garden adding a few beautiful flowers and family bought us some beautiful Statues to put in the garden. We may extend our garden a bit so the kids can plant the flowers themselves. So far Greg and B have planted the flowers, but I know that P and E want to plant some as well.

For now I am just feeling *blah*. I'm not happy, I'm not a blubbering mess, I'm just *blah*. Here is a picture of our precious angel Talya Rose.

1 comment:

heidi said...

Angie, I think you are dealing with alot, like I've told you before this is not something you did or could avoid, so do not think that way. I'm sure that you are stillin shock as are the rest of us, so that's why we are here when you need us. I think you just think of her at night because it's quiet around there then which is also normal. I think personally you are doing better than expected, just keep looking at her beautiful pictures and know she is with her big brother who is looking after her. You do need to remember not to keep things in though, when you are feeling sad it is ok, and normal to cry, I catch myself doing that daily, and that is also at night, when I just think about how beautiful Talya was, how unfair that this happened and how sad I am for you Greg and the kids. I know we will all get through this in time!! Love you lots!!