Today is also another hard day. A year ago today was supposed to be Tred's due date. Again the what could have beens keep swirling in my head. Why did he have to catch something that I was exposed to so many years ago and never caught. Instead I catch it while I'm pregnant and he gets sick and dies. It just makes me so angry that my poor child is gone and my other one had to deal with the stress of feeling as though it was his fault.
I look at all of my children and see such beautiful wonderful people that have had to deal with so much sadness in their short lives. I hear people complain that their children are horrible and yes mine have been not so nice at times as well and I just think of how wonderful it would feel to tell Tred or Talya, the dreaded words "NO" or tell someone they are driving me crazy. I never want to take my children for granted for they are my everyday miracles. I have time with all of them and as mad as they make me, I am so proud to be their mom and hope they feel the same about me.
I am so thankful that I was able to hold, touch, caress, and see every part of my beautiful babies but can only wish I could turn back time to have them with me. Not many people get to hold such beautiful angels but I got to hold 2 and I'm sure they are making a ruckus in heaven becuase that's what my children do and I love them for being that way.
