Sunday, July 27, 2008
It had to happen.
Today I had to drop my oldest off at a birthday party. I was pretty sure everyone knew that we had lost Tred, but not everyone knew. I got him to the party place and one of the moms asked if I had the baby yet. I took a breath and told her that Tred was stillborn. She looked at me in shock, apologized and then started to tear up. I told her not to otherwise I would cry and it wouldn't make for a fun day for the kids. She again said she was sorry and then turned to talk to other moms. I told her I had to go, which I did, and then left. I teared up a bit in the van but stopped before I made it to my destination. I picked him up 3 hours later and the mom didn't say another word about Tred or us losing him. I wish everyone would just talk about him or talk about how we lost him. He is still a person. We still hurt deeply that he's gone. *SIGH*
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Honey they think that you don't want them to ask questions. People don't realize the moms want to talk about their children - even those they've lost. Those moms were not trying to forget or insinuate that Tred was not every bit as special as your other children. They just don't know what to do. Most people think its "rude" to ask those kinda of questions. I honestly think that only moms who have lost their babies know how important it is that you never forget them. In time you will be able to do things easier. And some days you will find yourself ridden with guilt because you had a good day and for some reason you will feel you don't deserve that - or it meant you didn't think about him enough.. But its all OK.. It's so dam hard, but Tred is watching you and he doesn't want you to live the rest of your life this way. You will see him again sweetie... Make him proud by honoring him - but also by honoring yourself and the rest of your family. HE IS OK... It's those left behind that suffer. WIth much love. Heather
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