We actually talked

Well it's been a while since Greg and I talked about our feelings, about Tred and about our future. It was a good conversation. We made it through with tears in our eyes but we talked. We both decided that we will no longer be getting "fixed". I was not wanting to make it a permanent thing and even more so now. We really thought we had our completeness - is that a word - with 4 children. Now that we have experienced Tred passing away we are very sure that we don't want to make our fertility a permanent loss. (I hope that makes sense) Anyway I told him what went on at the dr. and that the dr. asked if I would like to be on birth control and I said no. The dr. asked if I get pregnant would that be an OK think for DH and I. In my rudeness I said "I am OK with that and was OK with being pregnant 4 times too, if I get pregnant again I think it would be more than OK." I apologized for my harshness and said I know that it is party of her job to ask and she said that it's something expected when some has such a significant loss. I talked to DH about this and he was on board with no birth control as well it's another one of those permanent things that we don't want to do.

We are in the process of starting Tred's memorial garden. Greg and his brother own their own Irrigation business so we have added a watering system to the garden which means that it will get watered every day. So far we have had a few wonderful donations from family. My mom and dad bought us a beautiful wrought iron trike. MIL and FIL have given us an angel that lights up at night and she put Tred's name on the star that the angel is holding, 2 garden light sticks that turn color at night and 2 plants to put in the wrought iron trike. It's coming along slowly. We wanted the children to be involved so they will plant a flower every year for Tred and we also purchased a stone to put in the garden with a beautiful phrase "My Love No farewell words were spoken, no time to say goodbye, you were gone before we knew it and only God knows why. We probably won't get any flowers for the garden until next year becuase Greg has been out of work for 3 weeks unpaid. Financially we can't do them this year so the garden is pretty much done this year. We are looking for some garden stakes or chimes that have Angles on them. I was hoping I could find a nice pregnancy loss or stillbirth garden items but their are none out their that I can find. If anyone wants to help us find those things that would be great.

We Love and Miss you tons Tred.