My records

I decided today was the day to go back to the clinics and order my files. I've decided to seek a different OBGYN. Although I feel my treatment could have been different, I just want to return to have my "stuff" looked at by my old clinic. Why did I leave them? It was more convienent for me to have someone not far away. Boy was that a stupid decision. New clinc 2 babies passed away. Well, I am going to my old clinic but at a different location which is further away. I may end up changing that one as well depending on the results of my appt. I want to make sure I get the care I want, not what they want. I am going to see my old dr. and have a consult with her about everything that I have went through and how things will go in the future. If I like what I hear I will stay, if I don't like what I hear, I will be seeking a different dr.

Which brings me to my records. I had to order them to bring with me to my appt. I went to every dr. I had appts with from MFM drs to my breast ultrasounds and mammograms and my obgyn. Well seeing these records just brings back information that I just didn't want to hear when I was face to face with the dr.s. I had to see a MFM dr. to see what a future pregnancy would contain (that is if I ever have another child). Well seeing the words "Given the maternal sepsis as well as infection of the fetal compartment and fetal organs it is unlikely that the baby would have done well even if there were no nuchal cord." Yes, they are saying if Talya was born alive, she may not have survived. That's a hard pill to swallow, knowing that a virus made baby Tred pass away and then pretty much knowing that GBS was what took Talya's life.

I will be getting the remainder of my records in the weeks to come. I don't know what I will find or what they will say but I will always cherish these papers because they are the only things I left from Tred and Talya's life.