It's so hard

I've been trying hard not to be so sad but it just won't go away. I find I am robbing my children of their happiness. Today was hard. I find that when I am not doing anything that I tend to think of our little boy and get mad and angry at the fact that he isn't going to be with us. It hurts to know that we won't be able to see him crawl, walk, babble. It's just so hard to not be so sad. I saw a wonderful announcement in a yard "IT'S A BOY". What a wonderful event for that family but it is so hard to see. Our little boy doesn't get that. I just keep asking myself WHY?? I just don't understand.