Meaningful things make me happy and excited.

I am excited that I now have 2 followers on my other blog and one person that has already given me their baby's birthday information. I don't get excited that often but it makes my heart wam to know that I can do something to brighten someone's day.

http://wingsonroses.blogspot.com/

Why do my feelings turn on me

I have been feeling good (good as in not crying every second of the day) and then you get those blows of emotions that literally knock you to your knees. Yes I had a good day overall but then I was thinking of some things and how some feel I should be over my grief of losing my children. I should not be uncomfortable or angry at being around pregnant people. I guess those are the same people that think I shouldn't celebrate any birthdays because they aren't here to enjoy them. Well I would like to say to them STFU!!!!! You have absolutely no idea what my husband, children and myself are going through. My children lost a brother and sister that they will never get to teach the fun things that brothers and sisters teach each other. My husband and I lost two children and had to bury them which is the most excruciating thing in the world to do. Why can't you just STFU and let me deal with my grief the way I want to deal with it. I don't judge you on how you handle tough issues, all I do is listen and I expect the same. If you think I should be over things than get out of my life because I will never be over losing my babies.....EVER!

As I was sitting and thinking about the babies, I sadly realized that I would have two 1 year olds playing with the older kids. It is so sad that they aren't here for us to listen to them giggle, scream when they are stuck, all of the fun stuff that 1 year olds do.

I need your heavenly babies special info.....

As I sit here and ponder the lack of support us parents that have had a child pass, I would like to get your babies special information. I would like to send you a card letting you know that I remember.

http://wingsonroses.blogspot.com/

Right now I don't have a badge (I don't know how to make one), but this site is up and running.

I said it before and I will say it again,

You really know who your friends and family are when you have lost a child. I am so ashamed to even know some people I call family and friends. Talya's birthday came and some family I believe only helped us celebrate because they were told about her celebration. If we didn't invite them they would never had known (this I know as tey all forgot Tred's birthday last year). Then their are people I considered friends back in the day that I lost contact with and then reconnected with and now after hearing what has happened to me and our family, they no longer talk to me or even leave messages on this blog or even one of those messaging sites. I just don't get it. If it were someone else that has gone through losing a child and I knew about it, I would be trying to find information for them and post to them on their special days and even send a card to their home.

I JUST DON'T GET IT. Yes I am a mom of 3 living children. Yes I am a mom of 2 children that died. GET OVER YOURSELF AND PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES ONCE. IT IS A LONELY, LONELY LIFE AND ALL I WANT ARE FRIENDS.

Happy 1st Heavenly Birthday Talya!!!

What a rough year this has been without you. I miss you so much baby girl. I wish you were here with us. The kids miss you every day and talk about you and Tred. I am so heart broken that you are gone. I wish I could turn back time and have you here. I love you more than anyone will ever know. I love you, love you, love you Princess Talya.

I wish people would understand

I wish more people would understand how I feel. I don't want them to go through what I have been through, I just wish they would understand. Yes it still hurts to see babies, yes it hurts to see pregnant women and yest I know it will take time but I will heal on my time not your time.